Friday, June 5, 2009
Reflection Letter
As a summary about myself, I can say that the most obvious thing about me right now, is that I am a student in the graphic and web design programs at Everett Community College. I should be able to finish both certificate requirements by Spring, 2010. In the meantime, I am in search of a job, moving to a temporary residence, remodeling my future residence, and about to get married – all within the next couple of months. It seems to be a time of general life-transitions for me.
The main topics of identity, community and tradition from within this course suddenly became very personal and timely for me, as my own identity and connecting communities are changing from; single to married, full-time student to full-time employee, and renter to home-owner. Respect for tradition was always important as I was growing up, and now I have the opportunity to carry on or create traditions in my own emerging family.
During this course I have learned that identity is more than the stats on a driver’s license or birth certificate. As author, Catherine Lattrell states in the Remix textbook, ”the facts of our birth are merely starting points for understanding identity” (8). I understand now that “identity is shaped through acculturation….the process by which we absorb the practices, attitudes, and beliefs of particular social groups” (10) with which we belong or relate to. It was interesting to watch the Finding Forrester film in the context of identity development, and analyze it for consideration of what it is like to be “on the outside” or “on the inside” of a particular community, and how that affects the development of one’s personal identity. In this unit I also learned that personal identities are also shaped by personal choices. According to Lattrell, “personal choices can outweigh the importance of cultural influences and the expectations of others” (11). And at my particular point in life, I am making all kinds of personal choices that either reflect my identity or help shape it – only now I am more mindful of the choices I am making.
The topic of “community” was probably the most eye-opening for me. I don’t think I really realized all the types of communities people are connected to until I worked through the assignments in this unit. It was interesting to see all the different types of communities people in the class mentioned, in the paper talk portion of this unit. I went from a limited understanding of the more physical description of a “community”, to an understanding that the “communities” we identify with give us a “sense of stability….[by knowing] which practices are acceptable and which are not” (89) within the community’s traditions. I chose to use my second paper on Golfing is a Community, since I can identify with this particular community so well. I also found it interesting to consider Lattrell’s antithesis to the community’s need for stability, by recognizing that one sometimes must give up their personal preferences and possibly sacrifice some of their own identity, in order to maintain connections with certain communities (i.e. the needs of the Amish community comes before the individual needs of members within the community).
The subject of “tradition”, defined by Lattrell as “the means through which beliefs, customs, stories, laws, religious practices, and other cultural phenomena are handed down from one generation to the next” (175), was the most obvious one to me. I enjoyed writing my tradition paper exploring the effect of pop-culture on traditional weddings. Since I am getting married soon, and several others I am close to have recently tied the knot too, it provided me with some good motivation and material to analyze this aspect of tradition versus pop-culture.
Although I initially took this online diversity class just because it was required and because I thought it would better fit into my hectic life this quarter, I found myself surprised to get more out of it than I ever anticipated at the beginning of the class. I can see why there is more than one professor to teach this class, since there are so many aspects to it, but it all seemed relevant and worthwhile doing. I wish my crazy schedule was not the thing dictating my efforts and time this quarter, but I am learning that it is part of the effect of the personal choices I made, and so have no one to blame but myself if I did not put as much time into the course as I would have liked to.
Hopefully my entries here will be interesting to my readers, and maybe add some insights to the diverse communities that we identify with, and follow the traditions of, as our own identities develop.
The main topics of identity, community and tradition from within this course suddenly became very personal and timely for me, as my own identity and connecting communities are changing from; single to married, full-time student to full-time employee, and renter to home-owner. Respect for tradition was always important as I was growing up, and now I have the opportunity to carry on or create traditions in my own emerging family.
During this course I have learned that identity is more than the stats on a driver’s license or birth certificate. As author, Catherine Lattrell states in the Remix textbook, ”the facts of our birth are merely starting points for understanding identity” (8). I understand now that “identity is shaped through acculturation….the process by which we absorb the practices, attitudes, and beliefs of particular social groups” (10) with which we belong or relate to. It was interesting to watch the Finding Forrester film in the context of identity development, and analyze it for consideration of what it is like to be “on the outside” or “on the inside” of a particular community, and how that affects the development of one’s personal identity. In this unit I also learned that personal identities are also shaped by personal choices. According to Lattrell, “personal choices can outweigh the importance of cultural influences and the expectations of others” (11). And at my particular point in life, I am making all kinds of personal choices that either reflect my identity or help shape it – only now I am more mindful of the choices I am making.
The topic of “community” was probably the most eye-opening for me. I don’t think I really realized all the types of communities people are connected to until I worked through the assignments in this unit. It was interesting to see all the different types of communities people in the class mentioned, in the paper talk portion of this unit. I went from a limited understanding of the more physical description of a “community”, to an understanding that the “communities” we identify with give us a “sense of stability….[by knowing] which practices are acceptable and which are not” (89) within the community’s traditions. I chose to use my second paper on Golfing is a Community, since I can identify with this particular community so well. I also found it interesting to consider Lattrell’s antithesis to the community’s need for stability, by recognizing that one sometimes must give up their personal preferences and possibly sacrifice some of their own identity, in order to maintain connections with certain communities (i.e. the needs of the Amish community comes before the individual needs of members within the community).
The subject of “tradition”, defined by Lattrell as “the means through which beliefs, customs, stories, laws, religious practices, and other cultural phenomena are handed down from one generation to the next” (175), was the most obvious one to me. I enjoyed writing my tradition paper exploring the effect of pop-culture on traditional weddings. Since I am getting married soon, and several others I am close to have recently tied the knot too, it provided me with some good motivation and material to analyze this aspect of tradition versus pop-culture.
Although I initially took this online diversity class just because it was required and because I thought it would better fit into my hectic life this quarter, I found myself surprised to get more out of it than I ever anticipated at the beginning of the class. I can see why there is more than one professor to teach this class, since there are so many aspects to it, but it all seemed relevant and worthwhile doing. I wish my crazy schedule was not the thing dictating my efforts and time this quarter, but I am learning that it is part of the effect of the personal choices I made, and so have no one to blame but myself if I did not put as much time into the course as I would have liked to.
Hopefully my entries here will be interesting to my readers, and maybe add some insights to the diverse communities that we identify with, and follow the traditions of, as our own identities develop.
Intro to Audience and voice piece: Thanksgiving Dinner Traditions Blog
I chose to write about my family’s Thanksgiving dinner traditions in the blog about food –oriented traditions. The reason I chose this as the piece with “a clear sense of audience” is that I figured most people can relate to some sort of food traditions at Thanksgiving time. Readers of this public piece could easily see similarities to, or differences from, their own Thanksgiving traditions as they read what my family traditionally does every Thanksgiving. I also felt people could “hear” my voice on the issue of whether or not I will carry on these traditions with my own family in the future. Some traditions lose their original intent and value over generations, only to realize new traditions have emerged in their place. I wonder what will be the “traditions” at Thanksgiving for my grandkids – which ones will be the same, and which ones will be new (and how will I react to it all)?
Introduction to Critical Thinking piece, ‘Fight Club’ Discussion
I used the discussion board posting for the intermission #2 film, Fight Club, because it shows some of the critical analysis I used to make my points about how even a dysfunctional community such as the Fight Club, rationalized the illegal and immoral activity they were involved in. In my posting I focused on the part of the film where the main characters were stealing discarded body fat from the dumpsters of a liposuction clinic to make soap, which they sold at a premium in order to fund their other illegal and immoral activities. I then synthesized from much of this type of activity that the community of fight club members were motivated to strike back at society for all of its excesses and indulgences – using the “indulgences” of wealthy, over-indulgent, women’s discarded fat to personify their motivation. This was a startling movie to watch the first time through, but it was successful in providing lots of opportunity to discuss and consider how so many types of societal boundaries were crossed.
The Golfing Community
Despite the cultural and social changes from generation to generation, the community of golfers has stayed true to the basic tenets of the game. By the way, these ‘tenets’ are different than the actual rules of how to play golf. Not a lot of other sports have a set of spoken (and unspoken) rules of etiquette, along with a separate set of rules of how to play. However, the golfing community not only welcomes this fact about this sport, but sees it as a defining point about the game that has remained a constant in the face of certain social and cultural influences over the past couple of centuries.
The basic tenets of the game of golf are not really the official rules of the game, but a tried and true form of etiquette that the community of golfers has followed for generations. While it is of course important to play by the rules, like any other sport, golf etiquette is what the traditions of golf are really all about. These tenets of golf are the “traditions and standards of behavior [which] make it easier for [golfing] community members to know which practices are acceptable and which are not” (87-8). This set of expectations also offers a sense of stability to those within the golfing community. The mention of just some of the rules of golf etiquette shows how the ideals of respect and courtesy are integral to the game of golf. For example, there are etiquette rules to “never hold up other golfers” and “start the game on time, in the proper order.”
Another one of these courtesy rules is the “do not do anything to disrupt the performance of another golfer taking a shot.” There are also rules of respect that actually refer to respect of the course, as well as the golfers coming from behind. These are the ones that request the golfer to replace divots they created, and preferably any others they come across, along with smoothly raking-out any sand traps the golfer entered during the course of play. Basically, one will not only be a better golfer by following these rules of etiquette, but they will also help the individual golfer to get along with and fit into the general community of golfers. Part of the reason these golfing traditions are carried on from generation to generation, is that they are generally unspoken or unwritten, and therefore need to be primarily demonstrated to the beginner golfer. This often implies a passing on of these ideals from parent to child or grandparent to grandchild. The family involvement also adds strength to the meaning of golfing traditions.
Since the game of golf is passed down generation to generation, it only makes sense that there are cultural and social differences that affect the current community of golfers. After interviewing my 84-year-old grandfather, who still golfs once a week, it became apparent that there are cultural and social differences that exist between the current community of golfers, and the community of golfers he grew up with. He mentioned that there were fewer socioeconomic and ethnic differences among golfers when he was first playing as a teenager. For one, there weren’t as many public golf courses available to the middle-income person, so he had to belong to a golf club in order to have access to a good golf course. Because of this, the average golfer was wealthier than the average golfer is today. Today, most any one can find a decent public golf
course that costs under twenty dollars for a round of golf. He also mentioned the ethnic differences among the golfing community today are greater than in his early days. Now there are plenty of African and Asian Americans, Latinos, East Europeans out on the local golf courses. The obvious example of this ethnic observation is Tiger Woods, the most recognized name in golf today. My grandpa feels it would have been pretty unheard of to have someone of a minority group achieve that level of accomplishment and recognition back in the 1950’s. Grandpa also has noticed more women playing golf than when he was younger. In fact, his wife never learned to play, but two of his three daughters play regularly, and several granddaughters play occasionally as well. Golf was more of a “gentleman’s game” back when Grandpa was young. He said, “Men generally tried to remain calm, cool and collected even when they were having a terrible game.” In contrast, many times when I play golf, I hear people yell or swear, or make obvious physical gestures suggestive of someone not “calm, cool and collected.” I have even seen people throw one of their clubs on the ground because they were so upset. Next, Grandpa mentioned the differences in golf attire between the current and earlier communities of golfers. There used to be a stricter dress code “usually of slacks and a polo shirt with a vest; even at public golf courses this was common,” Grandpa stated. While there is still a definite dress code at many private golf clubs, people at public golf courses now commonly wear any shorts, shirts, jeans, or shoes they like. These differences Grandpa mentioned, definitely speak of a more casual and accepting atmosphere among today’s community of golfers. I think this is actually okay, since our text states that, “….a strong community is one that respects members’ personal views and encourages them to explore their own interest” (92). As long as one person’s interests don’t supercede the interests of the golfing community as a whole, this could actually be an improvement from past generations. In other words, the prejudices of race and gender from past generations of golfers should not be carried on as a “golfing tradition” just because they existed for hundreds of years. Those prejudices should be left in the past, while embracing a new tradition of acceptance and tolerance for any person wanting to play the traditional game of golf. However, this does not mean that a person (previously excluded from playing the game) should be allowed to force the rest of the golfing community to change something in the rules or tenets of golf just to compensate for being formerly prejudiced against. For example, women who want to play golf should have to play the game like anyone else – following the rules – not bending them by claiming some special consideration for being a woman playing a “man’s game”. With this consideration, the community of golfers are positively affected by society’s recent trend of tolerance and acceptance. There are still plenty of traditions that maintain the purpose of the game of golf, without including unnecessary and pointless prejudices of past societies of golfers.
Some of the subtle, yet crucial similarities between previous golfing generations and ones of today, mentioned by my Grandpa are the psychological and physical aspects of the game. The successful game of golf has always demanded, and still does, a certain mental capacity to persevere, and even improve, in the face of various obstacles; both physical and mental. A golfers performance on the course can vary from day to day. I have had some great shots at some holes one day, and the next time out, those are the holes I have the most trouble with. So one can never be sure how one’s game will be affected each time they play either by the differences in weather, golf partner(s), club choice, time of day, condition of the course, or one’s physical condition. So the physical and psychological part of the game has pretty much remained a constant for the golfing community from generation to generation.
Finally, the individual differences in the community of golfers today, they are just as devoted to the basic tenets of golfing as the community of golfers were in earlier generations. The differences that do exist, can actually be seen as improvements to the overall golfing community, which make it a more stable entity in today’s society than if it had not changed along with the surrounding culture in America.
The basic tenets of the game of golf are not really the official rules of the game, but a tried and true form of etiquette that the community of golfers has followed for generations. While it is of course important to play by the rules, like any other sport, golf etiquette is what the traditions of golf are really all about. These tenets of golf are the “traditions and standards of behavior [which] make it easier for [golfing] community members to know which practices are acceptable and which are not” (87-8). This set of expectations also offers a sense of stability to those within the golfing community. The mention of just some of the rules of golf etiquette shows how the ideals of respect and courtesy are integral to the game of golf. For example, there are etiquette rules to “never hold up other golfers” and “start the game on time, in the proper order.”
Another one of these courtesy rules is the “do not do anything to disrupt the performance of another golfer taking a shot.” There are also rules of respect that actually refer to respect of the course, as well as the golfers coming from behind. These are the ones that request the golfer to replace divots they created, and preferably any others they come across, along with smoothly raking-out any sand traps the golfer entered during the course of play. Basically, one will not only be a better golfer by following these rules of etiquette, but they will also help the individual golfer to get along with and fit into the general community of golfers. Part of the reason these golfing traditions are carried on from generation to generation, is that they are generally unspoken or unwritten, and therefore need to be primarily demonstrated to the beginner golfer. This often implies a passing on of these ideals from parent to child or grandparent to grandchild. The family involvement also adds strength to the meaning of golfing traditions.
Since the game of golf is passed down generation to generation, it only makes sense that there are cultural and social differences that affect the current community of golfers. After interviewing my 84-year-old grandfather, who still golfs once a week, it became apparent that there are cultural and social differences that exist between the current community of golfers, and the community of golfers he grew up with. He mentioned that there were fewer socioeconomic and ethnic differences among golfers when he was first playing as a teenager. For one, there weren’t as many public golf courses available to the middle-income person, so he had to belong to a golf club in order to have access to a good golf course. Because of this, the average golfer was wealthier than the average golfer is today. Today, most any one can find a decent public golf
course that costs under twenty dollars for a round of golf. He also mentioned the ethnic differences among the golfing community today are greater than in his early days. Now there are plenty of African and Asian Americans, Latinos, East Europeans out on the local golf courses. The obvious example of this ethnic observation is Tiger Woods, the most recognized name in golf today. My grandpa feels it would have been pretty unheard of to have someone of a minority group achieve that level of accomplishment and recognition back in the 1950’s. Grandpa also has noticed more women playing golf than when he was younger. In fact, his wife never learned to play, but two of his three daughters play regularly, and several granddaughters play occasionally as well. Golf was more of a “gentleman’s game” back when Grandpa was young. He said, “Men generally tried to remain calm, cool and collected even when they were having a terrible game.” In contrast, many times when I play golf, I hear people yell or swear, or make obvious physical gestures suggestive of someone not “calm, cool and collected.” I have even seen people throw one of their clubs on the ground because they were so upset. Next, Grandpa mentioned the differences in golf attire between the current and earlier communities of golfers. There used to be a stricter dress code “usually of slacks and a polo shirt with a vest; even at public golf courses this was common,” Grandpa stated. While there is still a definite dress code at many private golf clubs, people at public golf courses now commonly wear any shorts, shirts, jeans, or shoes they like. These differences Grandpa mentioned, definitely speak of a more casual and accepting atmosphere among today’s community of golfers. I think this is actually okay, since our text states that, “….a strong community is one that respects members’ personal views and encourages them to explore their own interest” (92). As long as one person’s interests don’t supercede the interests of the golfing community as a whole, this could actually be an improvement from past generations. In other words, the prejudices of race and gender from past generations of golfers should not be carried on as a “golfing tradition” just because they existed for hundreds of years. Those prejudices should be left in the past, while embracing a new tradition of acceptance and tolerance for any person wanting to play the traditional game of golf. However, this does not mean that a person (previously excluded from playing the game) should be allowed to force the rest of the golfing community to change something in the rules or tenets of golf just to compensate for being formerly prejudiced against. For example, women who want to play golf should have to play the game like anyone else – following the rules – not bending them by claiming some special consideration for being a woman playing a “man’s game”. With this consideration, the community of golfers are positively affected by society’s recent trend of tolerance and acceptance. There are still plenty of traditions that maintain the purpose of the game of golf, without including unnecessary and pointless prejudices of past societies of golfers.
Some of the subtle, yet crucial similarities between previous golfing generations and ones of today, mentioned by my Grandpa are the psychological and physical aspects of the game. The successful game of golf has always demanded, and still does, a certain mental capacity to persevere, and even improve, in the face of various obstacles; both physical and mental. A golfers performance on the course can vary from day to day. I have had some great shots at some holes one day, and the next time out, those are the holes I have the most trouble with. So one can never be sure how one’s game will be affected each time they play either by the differences in weather, golf partner(s), club choice, time of day, condition of the course, or one’s physical condition. So the physical and psychological part of the game has pretty much remained a constant for the golfing community from generation to generation.
Finally, the individual differences in the community of golfers today, they are just as devoted to the basic tenets of golfing as the community of golfers were in earlier generations. The differences that do exist, can actually be seen as improvements to the overall golfing community, which make it a more stable entity in today’s society than if it had not changed along with the surrounding culture in America.
Introduction to Writer’s Choice: Golfing is a Community
I chose this writing assignment from the community section of our assignment because it was basically well written as an English paper and just needed some expansion of one of the points I made in the original draft (this will appear in bold) about how individual preferences are okay in the sport of golf, as long as they don’t interfere with the golfing community as a whole. In this paper I successfully analyzed how golfing has mostly stayed true to it’s origins and traditions over hundreds of years, despite many cultural and societal changes going on around it. Part of the reason for the stability of the golfing community is the aspect of tradition. Many of the tenets of golf are based on tradition, and are followed closely, as I pointed out in the paper. I have personally identified with the sport of golf for about ten years now, and feel that it has become an important part of my identity. The fact that this paper actually incorporates something I closely identify with, as well as the concepts of community and tradition, I felt it was the one that would complete my portfolio for this class.
Pop Culture Versus Wedding Traditions
The tradition of two people getting married to signify their commitment to one another has been around for centuries upon centuries. But how people have carried out the significant elements in the wedding ceremony has evolved over time, just as “the complex ways in which the purposes and meanings of traditions are formed and reformed over time” (176). The highly valued ideals in pop culture of “individual choice” and “individual expression” have driven the latest changes of traditional weddings into “trendy” weddings, fueled by the concept that what reflects the couple’s identity is more important than the couple fitting into a set of standardized wedding traditions. For example, the couple in my family who got married on a dinner cruise ship, jumped into the water after the ceremony because they met each other while training for a long distance swim in the same waters where the dinner cruise ship traveled for the ceremony.
In a traditional wedding, where the ceremony is generally held in a church building of some kind (dependent on the couple’s religious heritage), with the appropriate clergy performing the ceremony; the appropriate religious music playing; and the appropriate scripture is quoted; the couple has resigned themselves to these traditional rituals so that they “feel connected to something larger than themselves” (177). This is a good thing for society in general, because it can serve to help the couple take their vows of commitment to each other more seriously. They recognize that they are participating in a long-standing, legally binding tradition, which they are publicly acknowledging in front of many witnesses. This type of ceremony can also serve to “reinforc[e] the notion that people seek out experiences that bind them together and promote a sense of identification with a group” (181). In this case, wedding traditions connect newly married people to the larger community of married people. This also includes a certain kind of societal acceptance and legitimacy assigned to the newly married couple. Now the couple can say they have been through the typical rigors of putting together a wedding, enduring all the requirements, and by doing so can immediately relate to every other married couple in their community. However, this also means that the couple has to forego what makes them unique as a couple (their joint identity) in order to fit into a prescribed set of wedding traditions.
This general distaste in pop culture to conform to tradition, has led to an increasing number of couples creating unique wedding ceremonies that reflect more of their own personal style and taste over ritual and tradition. For example, many couples choose to invite a smaller group of immediate family and close friends for a more personal feel, rather than the traditional crowd of friends from the past, all members of the family’s church, very extended family and friends of the couple’s parents (many of whom the bride and groom may have never even met). My parents had this type of church wedding, with a large crowd of about two hundred guests. They said their wedding ceremony seemed so surreal, and impersonal because there were so many people they did not know very well, or at all, that it made them even more nervous and sort of detached from the whole thing. This is the kind of thing that has led to the current trend of picking a travel destination or even local location, other than a church, which limits the guests to a more personal crowd of people who the couple truly wants to be involved as witnesses to this intimate occasion.
Picking a location or destination can also help the couple create a theme by which to center the wedding ceremony around. By creating a unique setting, whether a barbeque or picnic style, a tropical style, a country-club atmosphere, a beach theme, or a garden style (the options are endless, really), the couple can identify more with what makes their wedding ceremony reflective of their own unique identity. As an example, my cousin and his fiancé recently got married in an old renovated theater where her father worked as a teenager, and they even managed to incorporate elements of their favorite television show, the Simpsons, into their ceremony and vows. This made it very personal and unique to them – and rather entertaining to the guests! Taking the ceremony out of a church can also allow the couple to pick and choose elements that have the most meaning to them. It only makes sense that the whole thing will be more significant to a couple if they feel it encompasses elements of their identity. As an example, my cousin and his fiancé recently got married in an old renovated theater where her father worked as a teenager, and they even managed to incorporate elements of their favorite television show, The Simpsons, into their ceremony and vows. This made it very personal and unique to them – and rather entertaining to the guests!
However, there are some potential problems couples may encounter by veering away from certain wedding traditions. For one, if the couple gets too carried away with creating something new and unique to them, they may offend those who feel it is important to continue traditional “practices that have been handed down to us by past generations” (176). Some people don’t accept veering so far away from traditions that they participated in and still value, even though the traditions have changed for society in general. This happened to my sister when she opted to get married on the beach in Mazatlan, Mexico, with only about 25 family members in attendance. When our grandmother heard about what the destination wedding plans, she asked “is this going to be another non-Christian wedding?”. Then she told my mom that she wears ear plugs to the “non-Christian” weddings so she doesn’t have to get irritated by the music or vows that are so untraditional. There is also a risk of too much superficiality, and lack of appreciation for the seriousness of the commitment if the couple gets too caught up in the “theme” of the wedding instead of the “meaning” of it. Also, it could be perceived as a negative if more and more weddings exclude the religious nature of a marriage ceremony in favor of just a legal procedure. As far as the negative aspect to limiting the number of guests attending the ceremony, some people could feel offended that they were not part of the “chosen few” who were invited to the ceremony. This could lead to some family strife, or more distancing of friends than what the couple anticipated. But if the couple and their supporting family and friends consider these possibilities, they may be able to keep away some of the negatives of non-traditional trends, especially as it is more and more common to “expect the unexpected” when it comes to weddings.
In theory, this trend to personalize wedding ceremonies to the preferences of the engaged couple, could even have a long-term affect of fewer divorces due to the personal significance of the initial vows of commitment by the couple. After all, the divorce rates of the last several generations have shown those more traditional weddings, have not necessarily kept couples from divorcing. So why not try a new trend? Maybe the newly created wedding “tradition” will be to identify some of the couple’s uniqueness throughout the whole wedding process.
In a traditional wedding, where the ceremony is generally held in a church building of some kind (dependent on the couple’s religious heritage), with the appropriate clergy performing the ceremony; the appropriate religious music playing; and the appropriate scripture is quoted; the couple has resigned themselves to these traditional rituals so that they “feel connected to something larger than themselves” (177). This is a good thing for society in general, because it can serve to help the couple take their vows of commitment to each other more seriously. They recognize that they are participating in a long-standing, legally binding tradition, which they are publicly acknowledging in front of many witnesses. This type of ceremony can also serve to “reinforc[e] the notion that people seek out experiences that bind them together and promote a sense of identification with a group” (181). In this case, wedding traditions connect newly married people to the larger community of married people. This also includes a certain kind of societal acceptance and legitimacy assigned to the newly married couple. Now the couple can say they have been through the typical rigors of putting together a wedding, enduring all the requirements, and by doing so can immediately relate to every other married couple in their community. However, this also means that the couple has to forego what makes them unique as a couple (their joint identity) in order to fit into a prescribed set of wedding traditions.
This general distaste in pop culture to conform to tradition, has led to an increasing number of couples creating unique wedding ceremonies that reflect more of their own personal style and taste over ritual and tradition. For example, many couples choose to invite a smaller group of immediate family and close friends for a more personal feel, rather than the traditional crowd of friends from the past, all members of the family’s church, very extended family and friends of the couple’s parents (many of whom the bride and groom may have never even met). My parents had this type of church wedding, with a large crowd of about two hundred guests. They said their wedding ceremony seemed so surreal, and impersonal because there were so many people they did not know very well, or at all, that it made them even more nervous and sort of detached from the whole thing. This is the kind of thing that has led to the current trend of picking a travel destination or even local location, other than a church, which limits the guests to a more personal crowd of people who the couple truly wants to be involved as witnesses to this intimate occasion.
Picking a location or destination can also help the couple create a theme by which to center the wedding ceremony around. By creating a unique setting, whether a barbeque or picnic style, a tropical style, a country-club atmosphere, a beach theme, or a garden style (the options are endless, really), the couple can identify more with what makes their wedding ceremony reflective of their own unique identity. As an example, my cousin and his fiancé recently got married in an old renovated theater where her father worked as a teenager, and they even managed to incorporate elements of their favorite television show, the Simpsons, into their ceremony and vows. This made it very personal and unique to them – and rather entertaining to the guests! Taking the ceremony out of a church can also allow the couple to pick and choose elements that have the most meaning to them. It only makes sense that the whole thing will be more significant to a couple if they feel it encompasses elements of their identity. As an example, my cousin and his fiancé recently got married in an old renovated theater where her father worked as a teenager, and they even managed to incorporate elements of their favorite television show, The Simpsons, into their ceremony and vows. This made it very personal and unique to them – and rather entertaining to the guests!
However, there are some potential problems couples may encounter by veering away from certain wedding traditions. For one, if the couple gets too carried away with creating something new and unique to them, they may offend those who feel it is important to continue traditional “practices that have been handed down to us by past generations” (176). Some people don’t accept veering so far away from traditions that they participated in and still value, even though the traditions have changed for society in general. This happened to my sister when she opted to get married on the beach in Mazatlan, Mexico, with only about 25 family members in attendance. When our grandmother heard about what the destination wedding plans, she asked “is this going to be another non-Christian wedding?”. Then she told my mom that she wears ear plugs to the “non-Christian” weddings so she doesn’t have to get irritated by the music or vows that are so untraditional. There is also a risk of too much superficiality, and lack of appreciation for the seriousness of the commitment if the couple gets too caught up in the “theme” of the wedding instead of the “meaning” of it. Also, it could be perceived as a negative if more and more weddings exclude the religious nature of a marriage ceremony in favor of just a legal procedure. As far as the negative aspect to limiting the number of guests attending the ceremony, some people could feel offended that they were not part of the “chosen few” who were invited to the ceremony. This could lead to some family strife, or more distancing of friends than what the couple anticipated. But if the couple and their supporting family and friends consider these possibilities, they may be able to keep away some of the negatives of non-traditional trends, especially as it is more and more common to “expect the unexpected” when it comes to weddings.
In theory, this trend to personalize wedding ceremonies to the preferences of the engaged couple, could even have a long-term affect of fewer divorces due to the personal significance of the initial vows of commitment by the couple. After all, the divorce rates of the last several generations have shown those more traditional weddings, have not necessarily kept couples from divorcing. So why not try a new trend? Maybe the newly created wedding “tradition” will be to identify some of the couple’s uniqueness throughout the whole wedding process.
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